So, I began this first post to my artistic blog with an explanation. Trying to explain where I was in my career after college, why I moved to Madison before going to really pursue acting, and just a general "Why I am where I am, doing what I am doing." However, I have decided that that was a pretty silly thing to do.
I shouldn't have to explain myself. As an artist, the need to explain yourself is a part of your daily life. At least for me, anyway. Family, friends, acquaintances all ask "Why are you pursuing this? Is there any future for yourself in this? Are you getting paid to do it? What is your back up job? Etc. Etc." In college, teachers ask us "Why did you make this scene choice? What are you doing to make yourself marketable? What can you do to improve this or that about yourself? Why are you going to pursue it THIS way, when you should pursue it THAT way?"
And you talk to other artists. Who have made different choices than you. And you feel this need to explain why you are doing it the way you have chosen. For example, many of my classmates have chosen to move to LA or NYC right out of college. I did not. I chose a consistent day job in a medium sized city to get my finances in order before moving. And I'm not even going to move those places when I am ready. I am moving to Chicago instead. A year after graduating. And I know many of my professors and former classmates who would say, "If you really want to do this, why not go to New York?" And my answer USED to be long and involved and probably a little defensive. In fact, my urge to type it into this blog is wearing away at me, making my nerves on edge, the hairs on my arms stand up, and the pit of my stomach drop.
But I am not going to type it in this particular post. Because it is a personal decision and one that, frankly, is right FOR ME. And is right for my vision of my life. It is right for my vision of what art is and should be.
Fellow artists (in fact, I think this can apply to ANYONE in life)- please stop explaining yourselves. Be confident in your decisions. Of course, if someone really wants to know the why behind what you are doing or your choices and you feel like they will respect and not judge what you are doing, then by all means explain! But don't feel like you need to justify your life. People will judge you; people will judge your decisions. Let them judge, but don't let it affect your confidence.
And it is hard. Believe me- I know, that this is SO DIFFICULT! Again- my heart is jumping at my need to explain everything I want to explain right now. And it will probably be this way for the rest of my life. That urge to explain my life choices. But, really, what it comes down to is this:
I am doing what is right for me. I have thought this through. And I am working hard to make my dreams come true.
That is all I can ask for. I am pursuing not THE dream. But MY dream.
And there is no need to explain my choices.
